i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
