Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
