forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
