woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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