I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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