She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
