This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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