Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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