Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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