sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
