I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Congratulations! We have a period
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