We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
