My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
