So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
