Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize