how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
