I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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