She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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