I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it's like heaven, but drunker
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
