brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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