I want to stick my p in your. b.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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