i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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