Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I am naked and annoyed.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
