On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
