guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
