He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
