I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
