One girl and one boy is just not enough.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
