Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
