New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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