you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
