Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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