Pants 0. Shit 1.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
