I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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