My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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