I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
