Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
