I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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