A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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