Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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