i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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