if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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