i jhust puked up my retainher.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
