You're completely useless in the revolution.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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