i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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