I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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