I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize