After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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