What did we do last night that was yellow?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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