he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
