new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
