textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
