Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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