I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
