I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
