you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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