yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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