u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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