just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
