Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
