did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize