I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
