He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize