so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Less talking, more tequila
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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