Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
