that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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