A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
