In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
