plz talk dirty to me
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
not ubering you a puppy
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
