can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
