Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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