At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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