my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
