You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
