It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
