She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
