Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
