I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
