It's a beautiful day for a hangover
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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