Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
