I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
