ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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