the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize