We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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