I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
