I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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