so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
