when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize