not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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