people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
