he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
