I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
