my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
