Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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