You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
