Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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