Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
