I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize