my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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