Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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