oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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