i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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