when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
