I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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