Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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