you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
