Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
