Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
