"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
