We're facebook friends in real life
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
