So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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